Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
