whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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