Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
