tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
