if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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