i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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