make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
