If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
