you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
