best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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