Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
