Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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