I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
