I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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