Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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