8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i now understand why vodka
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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