Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
