There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He has the fingertips of a God
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