I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
