Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
