4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
