you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
