If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
