i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
