Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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