Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
