guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So much rum. So many feels.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
