Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
