moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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