I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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