Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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