turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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