Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
