and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
