I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
