oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
