Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Randomize
