I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she told me i tasted like america
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
