Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
