Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
