I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
