just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
