You made me cry and you don't even care
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
