i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
