I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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