I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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