I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
