2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
