READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
