idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
