Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
